If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize