my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
