he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
