I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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