party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
