Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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