Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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