I didn't shave. On purpose
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
