She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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