$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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