I'm lost and stupid without you.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
