Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
