Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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