You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
