Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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