And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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