I'm pants shitting drunk right now
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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