I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
