Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
