My friends, they love my intelligence
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize