I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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