woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Help me help you realize you are a moron
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
