Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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