i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i think we sleep fucked last night...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
there is glitter all over my balls
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