You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
