if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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