OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
