How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
