College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
