You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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