dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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