My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
