After last night, I could never be a politician.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
