Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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