Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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