I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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