We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
