did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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