She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So much Jack, so little girl.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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