Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
