If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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