I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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