I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
splinters make it hard to masturbate
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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