giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
