Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize