quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
