I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
