oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
