Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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