Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
