I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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