She is in my trunk
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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