Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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