I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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