Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
