You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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