I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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