she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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