That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
