i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
