they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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