OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
